Charles Duhigg’s new book Supercommunicators: How to Unlock the Secret Language of Connection offers practical ways to hold deeper, more meaningful, less conflict-driven conversations.

Given the divisiveness in small towns and rural communities today, these are essential community-building skills.

It’s also relevant for rural small business owners who face a variety of communication challenges with customers, employees, suppliers, community members and more.

Duhigg’s name may be familiar. He also wrote The Power of Habit, another book I found useful.

In Supercommunicators, he covers different types of conversations we have: practical, emotional, and social. Usually, we don’t even think about what kind of conversation we’re having, and that leads to the kinds of problems we’re all used to. Duhigg provides insights on how to recognize and adapt to each type of conversation.

The book’s advice on everyday conversations is particularly useful. This advice is practical and not too hard to remember. Simple graphics make concepts ultra clear. The advice on social and belonging conversations is trickier. When we’re talking about who we are and how we fit or don’t fit in, more care and more guidelines are needed. It starts to feel like a lot, but it’s better than pretending we already know all about it.

The biggest issue I had with the book is the complicated structure within sections. Duhigg often starts a story, then interrupts it with another story, then interrupts that with explanation. It makes it hard to keep track of all the narratives at the same time if you’re not reading large sections in one sitting. Despite this, Duhigg does a good job of getting the practical information across, and the illustrations make the book engaging and informative.

I received an advance copy of the ebook at no cost from the publishers via NetGalley. These are my honest opinions. The book’s publication date was set for Feb 2024.

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As a community coach, I collaborate with rural leaders to build local capacity and engage community members in working on local priorities so their community can thrive. One of the most common topics that comes up as the groups are planning for future outcomes is their desire for unity with other community leaders. They recognize disunity as a polarizing barrier to their success as they strive to engage other individuals, organizations, or elected officials in creating a thriving community. When addressing disunity, one challenge of being a community coach is feeling the need to “fix it” because as an outsider it’s often easier for me to recognize those blind spots. However, my role is to empower individual leaders to own their failures and create solutions for putting unity back into the community.

What causes divisiveness?

Do personal disagreements turn into community standoffs? Photo by Becky McCray

So, what is it that brings disunity to a community? Below is a list of some common culprits:

• Lack of trust between leaders and community members
• Resistance to change
• Leadership immaturity
• No defined purpose or vision
• Inconsistency in meetings
• Unfulfilled promises
• Competition for resources or power
• Unclear communication methods
• Self-centered interests
• Burnout and stress
• Allowing events to railroad relationships

To address disunity as a polarizing barrier to developing a thriving community, it’s essential to name the specific causes at play from the list above and implement strategies to mitigate them. Below is a list of improvements that can be made by individuals, organizations, or elected officials to find more unity in their community:

Open Communication

The foundation of any united community is open and honest communication. Offer encouragement and opportunities for community members to express their thoughts, ideas, and concerns. Create platforms for discussion, whether through community meetings, online forums, or social events. Effective communication ensures that everyone’s voice is heard, fostering an inclusive atmosphere where decisions are made collectively.

Include Everyone

When you include everyone, what will that look like? Photo by Becky McCray

Diversity is a strength, and inclusivity is key to building unity. Celebrate and respect the differences among community members, including cultural, social, and economic diversity. Develop programs that actively involve people from all backgrounds, ensuring that everyone has a place at the table. When people feel valued and heard, unity naturally follows.

Purpose and Goals

A united community needs a clear purpose and shared goals. These goals can be as simple as improving neighborhood safety, organizing cultural events, or addressing local environmental issues. When community members work together towards a common purpose, it strengthens their sense of unity. Ensure that the goals are transparent, achievable, and reflect the diverse needs and aspirations of your community.

Connect through Collaboration

How can you help people work together across groups? Photo via Deb Brown

Create opportunities for collaboration within your community. Encourage community members to form teams and work together on projects, whether it’s a local garden, community signage, or organizing social events. Collaborations not only improve the quality of life but also foster a powerful sense of belonging and shared responsibility.

Empower and Engage

Empower community members to take ownership of their shared spaces and challenges. When individuals feel a sense of responsibility for their community, they become more invested in its well-being. Encourage people to take on leadership roles, participate in local governance, and contribute to the betterment of the community.

Inspire Learning

Promote education and awareness about programs or initiatives within your community and from resources outside the community. When community members are well-informed, they are more likely to respect and support each other’s values, leading to a stronger sense of unity.

Celebrate Achievements

Find more ways to celebrate more successes in your community. Photo courtesy of Norfolk County, Ontario.

Celebrate the milestones of your work and recognize the efforts of individuals and groups who have contributed to the betterment of the community. Regularly holding events and celebrations not only instills a sense of community pride but also reinforces the feeling of unity and camaraderie.

Conflict Resolution

No community is without its conflicts. The key to maintaining unity lies in how these conflicts are managed. Establish an impartial conflict resolution process that allows for disagreements to be addressed constructively. Mediation and open dialogue can help community members find common ground and reach mutually acceptable solutions.

Commitment to Planning

Keeping unity in the community is an ongoing process that requires long-term planning. Establish a vision for the future and work collaboratively to achieve it. Encourage community members to stay engaged and commit to building a strong, unified community for generations to come.

Building unity in a community is a transformative process. By following these essential steps, your community can create a sense of belonging and togetherness that will empower its members to thrive and make a positive impact on society.

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At the Main Street Now Conference in Boston, I joined a trolley tour of the six Dorchester Main Streets.

We got a chance to walk through The Guild‘s expansive building. While this space is only one of many projects of The Guild, it was the one that caught my attention as useful for small towns.

The building was furnished and opened in less than 5 months for less than $100,000. It’s intended as a healing space, a calm space where anyone from the neighborhood can come in and relax for a time. They also hold special events for the community. Not weddings or parties, but more community oriented gatherings.

The art is from local artists. Many of the earth-toned wall hangings are dyed with the actual dirt from this neighborhood, that’s how rooted this is in the community.

• You could pop-up a similar community healing space temporarily, and for a lot less money. I bet small towns could borrow just about everything they’d need, including the building.

Which feels better downtown: a calming space or an empty building?

Vacant buildings, especially formerly significant ones, are reminders of loss, Trinity Simons Wagner of the Mayors’ Institute on City Design said at the Placemaking Conference.

That empty building as a reminder of loss adds negative weight to everyone’s perception of your downtown. Your people deserve a calming space like this much more than yet another empty building.

This also ties into the Wellness Travel trend we’ve mentioned. Wellness appeals to both locals and visitors. maybe pop this up around the time of a big event.

Photos by Becky McCray.

What do you think about doing this in your community?

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A little trick to keep people mixing at any event, indoors or out. It works as long as there’s food!

Holding an event and want to get people to mix across some divide?

Put the drinks and plates on one side, the food and cups on the other.

See what you did there? You’ve separated the food from the plates, and the cups from the drinks. This simple trick of making people move around to get their basics will get them to mingle, at least a little.

This works if you have two separate groups of people you need to mix up, or if you have a physical divide in an event space you want to bridge, or if you have two groups hosting and you need them to not cluster up with their friends.

Now, be prepared. It will feel inconvenient to people. They will say you’re stupid for laying it out this way. Just smile and remember that you have a bigger goal: building community.

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